swimming in the deepest oceans

2:16am, I have a heavy heart and cold feet. Sometimes it's hard to maintain self-confidence when that feeling of worthlessness starts to creep in. I have been wondering a lot lately whether it's going to be me vs life until it's all over. It's the kind of thought that you need to push aside, step over and ignore - though you know it never really disappears. It's always there, waiting for times like this, when you feel rejected.

But Miles Davis is wallowing with me and it really is hitting the spot right now. He knows that I have cold feet and a heavy heart. He said motherfucker a lot apparently, which is something I can relate to. So I'm doing my best to not beat myself up over anything, because when I get down, I can really get down, so I'm taking the unfeeling approach. I'm trying to not over-think anything, and just get on with life during winter in Melbourne. Still, there is an ocean of sad stuff there, waiting patiently for the boat to spring a leak.

I took some photos tonight - please take a look and leave your feedback. I really like them, but I suspect I may be alone on that. Who cares though, eh? They are mine, and I like them. That doesn't happen to often with me. Take a recent podcast I posted for news from the other side - I can't bring myself to listen to it. First podcast and all that but still, I cant help but think I am the most boring person in the entire world. Regardless, I'm gonna make more. I think I'm going to do a field recording next weekend when I go to take photos, and just record my random thoughts and street sounds. Could be crap, but who cares right? It's mine.

I have an essay to write on the history of Hong Kong Cinema which I have actually started, and I have a video reel to do for a very large company here - deadline is thursday. Still, all I want to do is listen to Miles, drink shiraz, play video games and wallow (like a motherfucker).

I posted some photos from a recent trip on picassa, and in fact there is a couple of other galleries up too. I have a thing for shooting fluorescent lights at the moment - I have an idea for some images that I want to play around with.

It's funny how I only tend to write here when I'm feeling south of happy these days. Actually you know what, forget that thought. Who gives a fuck when I write and for what purpose.

Until next time,

JL